Thursday, November 22, 2012

Nitro Turkey 5k

In the modern day marathon version of Nathaniel Hawthorne's literary classic The Scarlet Letter, Endorphin Dude and his out of wedlock GU child are considered the outcasts of the running community. These two are only allowed to participate in races only if the marathon caped crusader wears the scartlet letters BRAZEN on his chest. In this puritanical society, decor and good manners are a requirement, and Endorphin Dude has consistently crossed the line by shamelessly frolicking with the runners of Brazen Racing. This is the price E-Dude and his innocent energy gel offspring must to pay in order to run the Nitro Turkey 5k.

Yes, it is only a 5k, but because it is Brazen's Nitro Turkey, you know it will be epic! Being the law abiding citizen that I am, I adhered to the rules and regulations. I channeled Hester Prynne and shamefully displayed my sins on my chest. I don't think anyone truly recognized me in my very incognito pilgrim dress, so this gave me the opportunity to run hard (or as hard as I could in that get up).

This course was slightly long, measuring in at about 3.35 miles, so I don't feel too bad for not earning that 5k PR. I am very happy to announce that I finished this Turkey Trot in 30:32, placing 89th overall in a field of 543, and 10th out of 27 in my age division. I seriously deserve another prize for running in that fashion faux pas!

There are many races to choose from, but I will always pick Brazen. These people are no longer just runners I hang out with, they have become my friends and family. Things have gotten a little rocky over the years in my family, so we don't really get together for the holidays. I am very thankful for Brazen because this racing company has welcomed and accepted me, even after the puritanical society shunned me! On that note, your scarlet lettered caped crusader was caught on film committing every sin imaginable. Looks like more letters will be added to the pilgrim dress for the next race!

Another scarlet letter for offering alcohol to a child!
Scarlet letter for flirting with a hot blond!
Scarlet letter for trying to sneak a peek at Dave Pearson's Lagoon Valley! That blond pilgrim is no other than my ugly sidekick. She's a bigger hussy, but she never gets caught, hence no scarlet letter on her chest.
Scarlet letter for spilling wine on the table! That's alcohol abuse!
Scarlet letter for trying to bite the bacon off another pilgrim!
Scarlet letter for showing too much skin!
Scarlet letter for corrupting this innocent boy!
Scarlet letter for gettin' jiggy with it with the preacher's daughter!
Scarlet letter for public urination! By the way, that preacher's daughter's chef husband didn't like that the I was dancing with his wife, so he tried to cut off my cranberries! Luckily, I got away.
And the biggest scarlet letter of them all for the biggest sin: trying to bribe the race director with a hot leg in order to get more bling!

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